Get what you want from others | Women, being too nice is….killing you | 6 steps to communicating your desires

I imagine that the patriarchal standards of society has done a real number on women. After 3 years of working with only women it's clear we have an unhealthy trait, we are too nice. Even the ones who aren’t that nice are too nice—especially in communication! Instead of being upfront with people about how we really feel or what we really want, we’d rather skate around the issue and complain behind the scenes—which by the way is gossip.

To make space for ourselves and to architect the life we desire, we have to let go of being too nice. We need to let go of slapping euphemism over our communication and slipping saccharine words into the conversation. We need to stop denying ourselves what we want.

Maybe we are too nice because it's a “Yes” year and we want to enthusiastically throw ourselves into helping people and performing acts of kindness that make us stretch? But, unless you expect your desires to be fulfilled they will not become a reality under the guise of being nice. 

Communication is a double-edged sword and can prevent people from knowing what your true desires are. You can choose to hide behind the words that deny your desires, or you can use your words to hit right on target and claim your victory to get what you want.  Remember, you get to have what you want because life is a design of our own. Getting what you want is you living in alignment, so why not master the communication skills that can help you to get what you want?

6 Steps to communicating your desires and getting what you want:

1. Get clear about what YOU want
2. Declare it in writing then declare it out loud
3. Prepare to inform the people who will be impacted by your choice

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  Schedule a date and time to have the discussion and stick to it
• Set any overwhelming feelings aside. Make your goal the highest priority and be leveled-headed.

1. Have the discussion: 

• Make sure you lead the conversation, 
• Start with gratitude and move straight to the conditions you want
• Then offer negotiation, this is a way to honor others involved

1. Negotiate: 

• If they want to negotiate the terms ask for 100% of what you want before pulling back in response to their counter-offer
• Don’t say yes right way
• Consider a final offer where you feel you are getting most--if not all of what you want

1. Take Action

• Act on your desire, don’t delay